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| My dad and I when I was a couple months old in 1996 |
Dear Dad,
It has been seven years since you passed away.
In many ways, it still feels like yesterday you were here with me. But in a lot more ways you seem so distant in my memory, it scares me I will forget you. I never thought I would ever forget your tattoos, how you talked, the way you smelled, or how seeing you on the front porch when I came home made me feel so loved. Maybe that is a portion of grief they don't really talk about. The part where you start to move on and don't realize that moving on means forget the person that you loved so much and lost.
You know some days I forget that you are no longer here. In days like that, I reach for my phone to call you. As I go to dial my long ago but never forgotten home phone, I realize that no one would answer it. For multiple reasons, number one my mother no longer lives in my childhood house. Number two, that phone number probably no longer existed. Last but not least we live in the 21st century who has home phones anymore. Nevertheless, I want to dial that phone number hoping you would pick it up.
In that conversation, I would tell you how far I traveled because I wanted to see the world as you did. How I am almost done with my undergraduate degree although I have no idea what I want to do with my life. That I fell in love and had my heart destroyed, then fell in love again this time with someone I hope to spend a very long time with(I think you would like him). I would ask for your advise on life, and for all those stories you told me I was "too young for."
As we end our telephone call because they do always have to end, I would tell you I forgive you for leaving when you had no choice. You did everything you could to protect me from the pain that you felt every single day. And for that, you gave my siblings and myself the childhood we needed.
Finally right before we hung up I would say,
You gave me the world.
Thank you, Dad, for being the best father a girl could hope for. I know you left way sooner than you wanted to, for all that I hope you are proud of me and who I have become.
I love you past the sky,
Your Daughter
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| My favorite photo of my dad and I. Taken in 2011 |
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| Death Day Vacation 2018 |
